Working remote is like no other work. Nothing can prepare you for it and nothing compares to it. Remote life is bitter sweet. The sweet comes in the form of knowledge and experience passed onto me by the traditional custodians of this country and the opportunity to grow my family as part of their community. The bitter is the extreme heaviness that comes with such complex work. No words can describe the complexities. Although I had dedicated the next few years to working from afar and only traveling back when needed, the heaviness seemed to amplify with distance.
Our move to the river nest was motivated by our need to simplify and be close to family. The 'being close to family' part we achieved easily but for me the simplifying just wasn't happening when my head was bogged down by practical complications of work. I was spinning in circles. How could my much-cherished career be the one thing standing in my way of achieving my dreams? How could I maintain this 40-hour a week commitment and at the same time be with my children, maintain a small farm and start curating my dreams? Surely I would survive this difficult period of self doubt? I had survived the challenges of working with two small children many times before. I argued with myself for weeks. Should I keep on the career path that I have spent nearly a decade building or should I let it go and be happy with less? If I let go, it would mean we would have a whole lot less because my salary is our main income. My career is my identity; it’s one of the things I do best. If I stay, the heaviness would remain and so too would long days and late nights spent working. I would continue to lack the work life balance that I was yearning for.
I had to reinvent myself.
So on the new moon when the night sky was dark and the stars shone bright, and the time was perfect for manifesting new beginnings I took a very deep breath and asked myself what was more important? Career, money, and pride? Or family, happiness and gratitude?
And as the zap zone began to come to its end, I sent off my resignation and hoped so deeply to the universe that everything would work out.
I had no back up plan and for the first time since I was 14 I was without paid work. The whole situation was little daunting to say the least, with a young family to support and a mortgage to pay. Never before have I had to make such an enormous decision. But the time finally came when I was brave and confident enough to let go of something so big, so that something even bigger could have enough light to grow.